If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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