I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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