He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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