I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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