I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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