the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
