after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
