i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
