im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
