Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
