I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
