i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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