He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
