Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
