I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
