did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all