Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
