I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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