He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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