Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(546): View more from

Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.

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(546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money. http://tfl.nu/o990

Replies (65) Good night (2803) Bad night (661)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.

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(402): I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night. http://tfl.nu/5ggy

Replies (31) Good night (11756) Bad night (1208)
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(251): View more from Alabama

if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?

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(251): if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me? http://tfl.nu/7eei

Replies (26) Good night (6871) Bad night (700)
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(972): View more from Texas

The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way

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(972): The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way http://tfl.nu/ldbl

Replies (22) Good night (5158) Bad night (1430)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big

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(970): I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big http://tfl.nu/le84

Replies (12) Good night (1905) Bad night (2779)
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(801): View more from Utah

Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.

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(801): Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro. http://tfl.nu/3s7e

Replies (9) Good night (3038) Bad night (671)
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(850): View more from Florida

No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....

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(850): No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status..... http://tfl.nu/5hnt

Replies (9) Good night (2830) Bad night (1108)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.

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(604): I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune. http://tfl.nu/081q

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(574): View more from Indiana

Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.

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(574): Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance. http://tfl.nu/jrt8

Replies (6) Good night (484) Bad night (2132)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.

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(414): Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital. http://tfl.nu/5fyf

Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (1205)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..

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(215): i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be.. http://tfl.nu/8j64

Replies (2) Good night (686) Bad night (1184)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY

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(304): Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY http://tfl.nu/auio

Replies (6) Good night (1099) Bad night (397)
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(905): View more from Ontario

All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.

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(905): All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for. http://tfl.nu/6yyp

Replies (12) Good night (668) Bad night (2128)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.

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(+61): I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality. http://tfl.nu/cwc2

Replies (4) Good night (379) Bad night (364)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest

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(603): I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest http://tfl.nu/t4mw

Replies (1) Good night (715) Bad night (157)

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