Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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