Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
