I can text with my tongue
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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