Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
