physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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