Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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