i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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