I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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