Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
