Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
