..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
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I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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