So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
