Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
