why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
