So drunk its hurt
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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