in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
