I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
