i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
