I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
