i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
