i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
