so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
