Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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