I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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