my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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