Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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