words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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