Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
