Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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