1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
