you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
