So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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