..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
