The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize