I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize