My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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