i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
