kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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