I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize