Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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