I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
