I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
