God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
