If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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