Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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