I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
