there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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