She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
