Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
