She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
