"it" just moved
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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