Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
