a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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