She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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