I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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