I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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