Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
