1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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