i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
