You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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