I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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