I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
