man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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