good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
