Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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