i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
