I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
