YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize