his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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