I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
