Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
