i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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