so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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